Bad manners, rude behavior, impatience. It might be me, but it seems kids are being allowed to exhibit these traits on an increasing basis. And there's only one source of this.
Us.
Most of us don't even realize it. But it's the little things that we do that the kids pick up on. Today I was at a park with my 5-year-old when we saw a balloon sculptor (Roger the Balloon Guy). He hangs out at the park, making balloon animals for the kids, working just for tips. In his full-time gig, he's a chef, but he has fun making the balloons for the kids, and based on what I saw, he was doing ok in the tip department as well.
Cutting In
As you can imagine, Roger is popular. When my daughter and I walked up, he had about 6 kids waiting for him to make them a balloon. I sidled my daughter to the end of the line, gave her $4 (the only cash I had on me - movies had sucked up the rest), and we waited. He worked on two for two little girls, then one for a little boy. This one was a cool sword made with two balloons. As he was making this one, another little boy approaches with his grandmother (or a mom who had kids REAL late). The grandmom hands him a dollar - yes, one whole dollar - and watches as he pushes into the line ahead of four kids, including my daughter. He proudly sticks the dollar in Roger's face and announces he's next. Roger finishes the balloon he's working on, and tells the boy that the little girls are next. "Then me right? I'm next!"
I look at the grandma, thinking she'll rein this kid in a bit. He walked up with a crowd already around the balloon guy and just jumped right in. No, instead grandma affirmed "Yes, you're next".
I let it go, but I shouldn't have. My daughter ended up waiting until after this kid. The balloon guy was a nice guy, and it just didn't seem right to create a hassle. The poor guy was working hard to put smiles on kids' faces. But it stuck in my craw.
Yes, kids can be pushy all on their own. But it was the kids tone, his actions - they gave off an air of entitlement. Like he never has to wait in line. At the lack of any restraint from grandma was enough to see where he might have learned it.
The Scream
We stayed in the park a bit longer, and as my daughter played, I took the opportunity to watch some more parents with kids. At one end of the playground, a pipe that was sticking out of the ground (awaiting maintenance) had been covered with a tall orange traffic cone. It's in the middle of the play area, and a kid lifts it a bit, setting it off balance. From out of nowhere, this woman storms up and starts in on the kid, startling him and causing the cone to tip a little further, almost falling off. While in her tirade, she tries to replace the cone, not realizing she has now picked it up too far, and the bottom of the cone is now resting on the top of the pipe, keeping it from dropping back down. Her reaction? She screams at the kid "Now see what you did!"
What exactly does she expect the kid to learn from this? It's a bright orange cone in the middle of a playground. I have no idea if this is the way he is always spoken to when he does something he shouldn't, but if this is what happens with a playground issue, what happens when he does something more serious?
Make no mistake, I believe kids need discipline, but in an appropriate scale. But this isn't about the discipline. It's about what she is showing this child is appropriate. Reprimand him? Sure. Screech like a harpy across the playground? Not so much.
I also don't pretend to be perfect. I lose my cool on occasion, and if I'm accused of anything, it's of trying to reason with my five-year-old too often. Recently I had to take her in for shots, and in trying to calm her down after the injections, I said "I know baby, shots suck". Oops. Not two hours later, I heard my daughter say something else "sucked". My bad choice of words and she learned a phrase she shouldn't use. And that's really my point.
Kids learn from what we do. They are watching constantly. And when we cut in line, when we scream at minor irritations, when we spout obscenities at drivers who cut us off, they learn. But they can learn from our good actions as well.
Proud And Confident
As I watched my daughter, I saw a little boy head straight to the rock climbing wall and scramble up it like a pro - no fear. And I saw his dad watching, with a smile. I told his dad I was impressed on how quickly and fearlessly he headed up the wall. His dad said he had just let him start up the wall earlier in the day, and as he climbed, dad stepped away a little farther with each climb. He let his son gain the experience and the confidence that he could do it by himself. And by mid-afternoon, he was like Spiderman.
Kids are always watching. And if we're lucky, they catch us doing the right thing.
And the kid who cut in line? He popped his balloon less than two minutes later...
Bad manners
No comments:
Post a Comment